“No, no, no. The sea creature needs to eat Helen so that his genes recombine to break the evil spell so that he can once again be a knight in shining armor. Apparently, he’s a distant relative of hers. Mine, too, which I don’t understand, but he needs female genes, nonetheless. Otherwise, he would’ve eaten me,” says Ted.

“Oh. A sea creature looking for specific human genes to break an evil spell. Why didn’t you just say this in the first place,” Jake says.

“You see, I tell people that I come here to speak with my kids every morning, but this is only partly true. I definitely talk to my kids, but also, during the first week, I began communicating psychicly with a sea creature. During this episode, it promises to show itself,” explains Ted.

Jake hears this and thinks aloud, “That sounds almost… erotic.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, wait. I just remembered something Penny said,” Jake says. “So, you have to feed Helen to the sea creature? That’s heavy stuff. I came here to explain that I voted for you because Brian and Clay told me you were going next but geez, Ted, communicating with a sea creature sure beats my adventure stories. Would you mind if I told everyone that it was, in fact, me doing this after I saved the sea creature’s life while lost at sea?”
Unbeknownst to Jake and Ted, something surfaces in the distance for a quick breath of air…

Reward Challenge
Sensing too much lovey-dovey action at Camp Chuah Jai, the producers begin a series of challenges geared to alienate each other. Jeff Probst explains the challenge:

“In a moment, I’m going to stun everyone with a quick ‘Pick-a-partner-on-your-marks-get-set-go!’ statement leaving Jake abandoned, lost, hurt, and confused. I’ll say it so fast that people won’t have time to plan and instead just pick the person next to them. Because Penny was next to Ted and because Jake stood next to Clay who was standing next to Brian (and is secretly falling in love with Brian and his Hollywood-permanently-nice hair and delicious ass), Jake will be left to wimper and wallow in a pool of rapidly-aging self-pity…”

“Excuse me, Jeff,” Clay interrupts. “How do you know what’s going to happen? You’re just explaining the rules of the challenge.”

“Understand this: You are but pawns, little puppets we control back in the editing room. We can make anything happen that we think will improve ratings,” Jeff laughs maniacally. Everyone else squirms.

“After you pick partners, the three teams must put their thinking caps on and devise ways to build little bridges across these little towers. Because thinking caps are required, whomever partners with Jan will lose.

“This will leave Ted & Penny to compete in a live-fire military training drill against Clay and Brian. You’ll have to crawl beneath this contraption. If you raise your heads too high, you will be shot and our ratings will skyrocket.

“Unfortunately, Penny can’t think of anything but her wedding that’s planned but a few months from now. She’s worried that if she leaves the planning to her fiance, he will think of stupid sh`t for the ceremony because that’s just what guys do when they plan weddings. Deep in thought, she doesn’t lift her head high enough for our guys to kill her, but she still loses, which I guess is the same result.

“The next stage is called the ‘Yank off Clay’s arms’ course. Clay will get boosted to the top of a wall and then Brian and Ted will pull down on Clay’s arms until they get yanked off in a very explicit and gross act of TV sensationalism.”

“Cool,” Penny says.

“I’m not sure if I’m gonna like this challenge,” Clay says.

Jeff smiles lovingly, “And Brian will win the walking across the bamboo pole challenge. But it won’t be him who does this part. Instead, a poor kid with old, ratty shoes will be forced to run the course in the place of the wealthy, two-cars-in-the-garage, white grand piano, babe-wifed Brian.

“He will then choose Clay to go with him on a special Thailand day on an elephant that farts.”

Helen is always the skeptic, “Oh come on. You’re just making this up. An elephant that farts?”

Research Leads to Injury Prevention
In a multi-year study, researchers determined that 71 percent of all softball and baseball injuries were related to sliding. Researchers attempted to reduce injuries by abolishing sliding; however, league players and traditionalists refused to participate in “no-sliding leagues.” In a second attempt to reduce injury, researchers offered classes designed to instruct players on proper sliding techniques, but very few players attended. Finally, researchers turned to the only viable alternative left — changing the bases.

The standard stationary base is bolted into a metal post and sunk into a concrete anchor in the ground. When sliding into this base, the player risks breaking an ankle or foot. The breakaway bases used in the studies are reminiscent of Legos. The Roger’s break-away base looks just like a standard stationary base, but the underside has receiving holes that attach to a rubber mat that is level with the infield surface. When a player slides, this base will pop off or break away.

By using breakaway bases, researchers discovered that sliding-related injuries were reduced by 96 percent, and 99 percent of healthcare costs associated with injuries sustained on stationary bases were prevented. This translates into a savings of $2 billion per year in healthcare costs

Engage in regular aerobic exercise. It’s no surprise that exercise enhances energy. The physical challenge primes your body in a variety of ways. Blood sugar is more readily converted to fuel, greater amounts of oxygen are supplied to your cells and fight-or-flight hormones are released. Instead of leaving you depleted, exercise invigorates. Do it in the morning for an all-day high or later in the afternoon for a pick-me-up.

Start weight training. If you’re feeling weak, maybe you need to engage in a weight training program that will strengthen your muscles while helping to maintain bone density.

Sleep well. When is the last time you got eight hours of sleep? If you are sleep deprived — and at least 30 percent of adults in the United States are — you need to head to bed earlier. Even a half-hour of extra snooze time can add substantial alertness to your day. In a pinch (and if the opportunity arises), try a power nap of no longer than 30 minutes.

Pass by perfectionism. Think you can “have it all” and be the perfect person with the perfect life? Just the pursuit of such lofty ideals is enough to send a body into a state of crisis. When you continue to take on more and more responsibilities, you run the risk of depleting yourself. Find a healthy balance between being perfect and just being. Whenever possible, engage in activities that are uplifting rather than draining. While you can’t ignore the mundane chores, you can choose to be smarter about how you spend your free time.

Eat like a horse. That’s not to say you should eat huge quantities. It means you might want to try grazing on five or six small meals throughout the day rather than eating three large meals that can wreak havoc on your blood sugar levels and energy stores. Superior snacks are those that contain protein, fiber and a little fat — not the sugary treats typically favored. Opt to drink water instead of soda and never skip breakfast!

Move more often. Don’t call a moving truck; just move your body more during the day. Sedentary living — a hazard of office work and automation — slows your body’s system. Recharge with a quick stroll or a stretching routine performed at regular intervals.

Be passionate. Low energy may be the result of a ho-hum lifestyle. Find something in life that charges you up — maybe it’s a new job helping people or a philanthropic cause you want to support. Working on a project that excites you will stimulate your mind and rev you up.

Get a physical. Sometimes lethargy is a symptom of a physical ailment that needs to be diagnosed and treated. If you’re overdue for a complete physical, make an appointment and remember to discuss your tiredness with the doctor.

Skates

So you’ve decided to try inline skating. It is a great sport: fun, great exercise, and looks really cool.

Now what? You already know you need the skate, but which skates?

Well there are several things you can do

·First check the boot (hard or soft)

·Then the frame

·And the fastenings

·Don’t forget wheel size

·Then there’s the rocker

Okay now that your totally confused, pay a lot (from $35 to $100 or more).

Then there’s the easy way, go and rent some skates or buy a used pair. It will be cheaper than buying new and you can find out if you like them.

The most important thing about extreme skating is the part about having fun (and looking cool while doing it).

If you buy according to price or some one telling you what skates you “need”, you may not like the way the skates feel once you use them. If they don’t feel right, you won’t want to skate.

There are some things to look for even in used skates

·Fastenings: (how the skates stay on your feet) you can go with laces or Velcro straps. I prefer laces, Velcro straps are quick, but don’t allow for as much adjustment if your ankles are a different size than “average”.

·Fit: The skates shouldn’t allow your feet to move around.

Now go get your skates.

Life was made easier for me when Cutler found me a wetsuit, courtesy of Weaver’s Dive and Travel Center, located in the Table Mesa Shopping Center in Boulder. For a mere $15, Weaver’s will rent out a wetsuit for the day – a much cheaper prospect than buying one! I managed one training swim in Boulder Reservoir on Friday morning, two days before the event. The wetsuit made it harder to lift my arms out of the water – undoubtedly an annoyance. On the flip side, it did make me more buoyant. Nonetheless, I was worried about the swim.

Cutler also graciously arranged for me to stay in comfort at Keystone Resort’s Inn at Keystone Hotel, located on Highway 6 within walking distance of the XTERRA event. I crashed there with my friend Natalie Luhtala, also a competitor, and her husband, Erik, the night before the event. Though an avid athlete in his own right, Erik graciously accompanied both Natalie and me to the event in the role of a supporter, tuning up our bikes and providing encouragement throughout the event.

When the whistle blew to start us off on the swim the next morning, I knew that I’d be relieved as soon as I hit the shore again. I found myself quickly gasping for breath due to the combination of the high altitude (Keystone is at around 9,000 feet) and the cold water. One-quarter of the way around the loop, I decided that if I didn’t switch to breast stroke, I wouldn’t complete the swim. This decision proved the right one, as my breathing calmed down almost immediately as I settled into the rhythm of the stroke. I finished the swim in just over 12 minutes, but it seemed much longer than that. Even at 61 degrees, the water felt cold!

As I started to jog, barefoot, to the transition area, I realized that my hands were so numb that I couldn’t undo my wetsuit. Visions of biking 13 kilometers in a full-body neoprene sheath flashed through my head, but after a few pumps of my hands, feeling returned, and I undid the Velcro and yanked the zipper down. Underneath my wetsuit, I had on a swimsuit top and bike shorts. In the transition area, I donned my bike helmet, shoes and gloves, then charged out.

I hopped on my bike and began the 1,500-foot climb on dirt roads and singletrack trails. I spun along at a comfortable pace, swigging sports drink when I could and remaining cheerful, despite my panting – I was overjoyed to be finished with the dreaded swim. My mood only faltered when I passed an aid station and was informed, “you’re two-thirds of the way up!”

“Ugh,” I thought. “I didn’t want to know that I still have a bunch of climbing left.”

By the time we reached the turnaround point to head downhill, I was psyched to cruise. I’d been sucking wind for nearly an hour, trying to keep up a steady pace despite the altitude (topping out at around 10,500 feet above sea level). The downhill was a fun, winding singletrack to a steep dirt road that led back into the transition area.

Back there, I threw down my bike, popped off my bike shoes and put on my running shoes. I sucked down a Clif Shot and took off on the run, eager to get to the shady, mostly flat trail. I picked up a steady pace and held onto it for the whole run segment. Toward the end, the trail emerged from the woods to drop competitors into a stream crossing, which felt fabulous on my hot and tired body. I finished with a smile on my face and immediately headed to chow down on the food – bagels, fruit and pastries – that awaited competitors at the finish line.

More free food – yummy lasagna – was in store, courtesy of Mitch’s. As a bonus, I won a free pair of sunglasses from Zeal Optics (www.zealoptics.com) during the awards ceremony – the first nice pair of sunglasses I’ve ever owned in my life!

All in all, the MicroSupreme XT far surpassed my expectations. Aside from a few minor glitches, the race was well organized. The volunteers were absolutely fabulous, and the course was beautiful, fun and well marked. Look for the XTERRA series to come to Keystone again next summer, or to a location near you. If you’ve never done an off-road triathlon before, the XT is the perfect place to start!